Ramblings

I have a couple things to blog about today... One topic semi serious and the other... just about my day, lol.

Love Life

I was driving and thinking today and thinking about me why I am not in a relationship currently. I will honestly say that if the opportunity presented itself, I wouldn't turn it down. The thing is, as I get older it gets more difficult because A) I am starting to realize what I want and B) homosexuals can be very harsh and judgmental towards one another. You have to have this amount of money or you have to weigh this much... It can be slightly depressing at times if I sit back and dwell on it. I try not to and fortunately I have great friends that help me through these moments when they do come up. Honestly, I can't let myself fall into a spell like that. The last time I got really depressed, I ended up getting really sick and I lost a ton of weight. I have been dating guys here in the past few months. For whatever reason, none of them never really pan out. 

The last guy I dated was from Ironton, Ohio. It seemed like we really hit it off. His name is Brad. He was really nice and seemed to be very interested in me. I told myself that I wouldn't commit to a long distance relationship but he left such a great impression on me that I was ready to overlook that. We talked and hung out for about a month and then out of the blue, he all of a sudden became this complete dick. I had no idea why but wasn't about to find out either. I'm such a non-drama person that I didn't even want to open up that can of worms... besides I figured if he wanted to know then he would have told me. 

Whenever things like the last scenario happens, I always begin to wonder what did I do wrong, whats wrong with me, etc. I don't understand and I probably never will but I am a believer of there is someone for everyone and I need to be patient. I'm sure (or at least I hope) love will find me someday. Whenever I go out looking, it seems to not work in my favor. Maybe I need to lower my standards a bit as well. 

The other thing is, I have been talking to my ex off and on. For the most part, we had a pretty decent relationship. His name is Chris and he lives in Cleveland. We were together a little under a year. Things between us started to go down hill when he moved from Cleveland to Columbus to live with me. That was probably the biggest mistake of our relationship but young me didn't realize it back then. Chris is a nice guy and is a very independent person, which is a huge plus in my book. Funny thing about that relationship. He actually pushed me to get into the relationship. When he wanted to get together, I wasn't actually interested in him like that. We were more of FWB's, if that. As the relationship progressed, I grew to really fall for him. Naturally when we split, I took it pretty difficult. My biggest problem with him was whenever we would have an issue, he would never tell me what was on his mind but he would go and tell his friends. That's one of my huge pet peeves. I feel as if a relationship is a private thing between two people (or three for some of you) and you don't go outside of your relationship for advice unless it was totally necessary. In our case, it was not... at least in my eyes it wasn't. Nevertheless, that's what he did and it would piss me off and I would react negatively to it. Sometimes I felt as if he couldn't handle my terrible attitude when I get pissed (which is very rare) which is ultimately what makes me think he left me. How he tried to leave is what hurt me. It was almost like it was a planned process... It almost seemed as if he tried to split me and one of my best friends, Deontre,  apart by telling us two different things and then have fall further apart. Then he tried to just up and leave one day when he thought I was at work. All this happened in 2009. Since then, Chris and I have grown from this experience and we have both apologized to one another. I will admit, he is a much better person now as well. I think if I were to get back with him, there would be tension between him and my four best friends (Deontre, Adawnte, Jay and Zee) and my close friends (Stephen, Jen and Ravon) and my sisters and brother (Aisha, Keyona, Roshawnda and Ramondo) because he was a major part of why I was depressed. Those guys (with the exception of Jay and Zee) saw what I went through physically and mentally. They would not be happy at all if I got back with Chris. At the end of the day, I have to do what I think will make me happy though. All I can ask for is them to respect and support my decision if that is to happen in the future. 

My Day at Work

Well I won't say it was a very productive day because I would definitely be lying. Actually, this entire week has been terrible when it comes to miles and the previous two weeks haven't really been that much better. All I have to say is, things need to start getting better SOON or else I am going to have to go some place where I can make some real money.

On another note...

I am starting to learn that I do actually have some cool coworkers. I have been there almost four years and have managed to not really associate myself with anyone there. I have learned the closer you get to your coworkers, the quicker they are to throw you under the bus if the opportunity presented itself. I have been feeling some of my coworkers out here lately though. Seeing that I am going to be a trainer here in a month, I figure I need to start talking with drivers and getting to know them. Also letting them get to know me so they know that I am not going to be a bad guy. Power positions have the tendency to change some people but I am not one of them. I personally prefer to stay out of other peoples business. Anywho, two of the drivers I have grown to like names are Brandon and James. These are two funny individuals. It's always nice to have someone at my job (other than my boss, Geoff) that can be just as sarcastic as I.

(James and Brandon)

Well that's all for now.... I am sleepy and want to go to bed...

-James